Oscar Glam

Did you catch the 81st Annual Academy Awards the other night? I saw most of it - I still can't tell which awards shows are time delayed on the West Coast and which are not. This one did indeed start at 5 or so, Pacific Time so it was live. And I liked it a bit more than the Golden Globes.

My gal pal Melanie has already dissected the fashion on her blog, so won't go too much into that. She puts me to shame with her designer knowledge, so my remarks will be more general and random (as always)

• I was apprehensive about Hugh Jackman as host. He's easy on the eyes and a talented actor (and from what I hear from a director who worked with him, as nice as can be) but I was like WTF?! No comedian this year? Where is Jon Stewart? As my husband says, Stewart as host was the only thing that made the show watchable (for him). But I was impressed with Jackman. He was polished, expedient and, yes, easy on the eyes. And I have to admit, I loved the miusical number he did with Beyonce. One, because I think I'm a but of a sucker for musicals in general and two, I just love anything with Beyonce.
• The format and staging was very interesting. Firstly, they pushed the front row closer to the stage (or the stage closer to the front row); in either case, it made for a more intimate setting (notwithstanding that theatre-in-the-round thing a few years ago), which I believe helped keep things running on time - maybe they got to see the audience getting fidgety a bit better than before. I also enjoyed the way they handed out the awards, sort of in the order of a film project: pre-production awards first, then production, then post production. And they explained the categories very well this year, for those who might not know what "art direction" really is.
• I adored the presentation of the Best Actor and Best Actress awards by 5 past winners, read: legends. What a thrill it would be to receive your award from these folks! And the way each one of them summarized each nominees' performance and were so complimentary - can you imagine being Anne Hathway, being praised by the likes of Shirley MacClaine? Who cares that she didn't win - that was awesome. I hope they keep this tradition for future shows.
• And speaking of this, what deal with the devil did Sophia Loren make to look as good as she does at that age? Probably the same one Helen Mirren signed. Damn.
• I also loved the way they performed the nominees for Best Song. And I'm not just saying that because I love the Slumdog Millionaire soundstrack and that song, "Jai Ho". Okay, maybe I am. But the Indian dancers, the drummers, etc - it was what stage productions were made for. My hubbie downloaded the soundtrack for me on Oscar night and I’ve been jamming to it ever since.
• What was up with Jessica Biel's dress? I was like, did she get TP’d or something? I actually find her quite lovely but she doesn’t really “own” these types of events and show off her beauty. Not sure why.
• I loved "Slumdog Millionaire" and was so excited they cleaned up - and that they flew in the kids (who they flund in Mumbai slums) who played the main characters as children. I think I have a bit of a crush on the star, Dev Patel (I still can’t believe he’s only 19) and I adore the way he wears his excitement and awe all over his face, like his head will implode – same expression at all of these shows, as if he’s a kid in a candy store. Love it.
• And, I bet Warner Brothers is kicking itself for passing on distribution rights to "Slumdog Millionaire" to Fox. Don't know what the skinny on this is, but I bet someone got fired.
• Ben Stiller and Natalie Portman's little comedy routine was just dumb. He looked like an idiot with that beard. I'm just saying.
• Hurrah for Kate Winslet! As I've said before, I just think she's the cat's meow and I would kill for her acting career. I'm so glad she finally got her props.
• I have asbolutely no desire to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." It seems long and drawn out.
• And speaking of Pitt, did anyone else notice the uncomfortable cutting back to the Jolie-Pitts while Jennifer Aniston was presenting? Meow, on the show's director's part. Not cool.
• And again speaking of the Jolie-Pitts, Angie should sport emeralds more often. Paired with her simple black dress, they just made her look stunning. As if she couldn't be stunning in flannel pajamas, but still....
• Comebacks are great and Mickey Rourke has been (from what I hear) deservingly lauded for his role in "The Wrestler" at so many awards shows, but it was nice to see Sean Penn win Best Actor for "Milk" - if only to avoid Mickey's random, obscenity-laced speeches. We get it, Mickey. You're a tough guy with a foul mouth and you're not afraid to use it. I'm over it.

Overall, I thought it was a good show - AND it ended on time (I think it did, anyway). They even had time at the end to show snippets of movies coming out in 2009.

Old Me, New Me

When you are recovering from a brain injury, as I am, there is a wide spectrum of therapy, advice and help available depending on your own situation. I have been fortunate enough to have wonderful doctors and overall care through the University of Washington Medical Center network and are continuing to take advantage of their therapy programs for cognitive and psychological help.

What is interesting throughout all of this, is how vague many of the answers can be. Sure, there is a lot they know about the brain - there are common organic and psychological symptoms that hit most brain injury patients and the doctors/therapists are great about providing "strategies' to deal with them. "Strategies" has been a big word in my vocabulary the last 6 months - all the therapists talk about strategies. What are your strategies for remembering information? What are your strategies for managing depression and irritability? What are your strategies for processing information that you don't understand?

Some of these strategies are basic time management and organizational principles, and as a professional, I was already employing many of them - writing notes, keeping a calendar, asking for clarification, rehearsal, etc. But some are more fundamental than that: being okay with asking someone to repeat things, for example, or counting to 10 before reacting, creating something to make you get out of bed in the morning, etc.

The common question I get is "When will you be back to normal?" I ask it of myself many times. Most people think I am "back to my old self" but a lot of what I deal with are things that only I notice as different from before. That is not to say they are "no big deal," as some people try to graciously comfort me with. The other thing people say in an effort to make me feel better is "Oh, I have memory problems too!" I know they mean well, but that sort of belittles my own experience. Plus, I did INDEED have some short term memory problems before this all happened and needed to write things down, but I'm dealing with a delta now that you are not - and I have to test those boundaries every day to know where the line is. I know that before, there were ways I handled things (old me); now, I just have to learn new ways of managing through them (new me). Sometimes this can get very frustrating, if you are used to operating in a certain way. It kind of makes you feel like a different person, which is a bit disconcerting.

I always try to ask the doctors and therapists, "Does it ever 'heal' or 'go away'? Will it ever be like it was?" And I get the quintessential non-descript medical answer: Your conditions can improve over time with practice and healing. So.....does that mean I never get to be the person I was? Well, they can't really say. Only that "you will see progress." To me, that means they are not sure if the brain actually heals to "pre-injury" condition, but that you can find new ways of doing things to balance out the effects.

Sometimes, this answer is good enough; other times, it gets me very fustrated. I can deal with "if you practice these strategies every day, you will be back to your old self in 1 year." Measureable, concrete, I know what I have to do. But no one can give that answer, as the brain is a complex thing.

So my interpretation? I just have to embrace "new me" and let go of "old me." I still am the person I was, but I might not be able to "wing it" in a presentation anymore or remember everyone's name so quickly. Those traits were part of who I was, but not who I will be. And that's okay, I guess, since many people deal with those traits even without a brain injury (although piece of advice: that does not make a brain injury patient feel any better! They have still lost a part of themselves that defined them).

The only way I can think to describe it is if your whole life, you defined yourself as "being a middle child" and all that entailed and then one day, you woke up and now you are told "you are an only child." What are the ramifications of how you see yourself and identify yourself (assuming there was no sibling death; it just one day became fact)? Yes, many people deal with being an only child all the time and from the outside looking in, that seems "normal", but for you, it is a different definition of self than it was before. And you have to cope with that.

So, I still have many of my personality traits from before - except I am overwhelmed a lot more easily and probably cannot live the frenetic, multi-activity life I led before as a) it is hard for me to focus, b) I get fatigued a lot more easily and c) it's not good for my high-blood pressure! So I have to deal with that loss - and it is a loss - and try to embrace the new me. One thing I do know: new me is a very lucky lady and has a lot to be thankful for.