- From the musical "Rent"
August 4, tomorrow, will be the one year anniversary of my aneurysm and brain hemmorhage. How does one celebrate (is that the right word?) the day you almost died? Granted, I haven't gotten melodramatic about the whole event for a year, while those around me want to know if I had a life-changing epiphany. I didn't, really. I was trying so hard to get back to "normal" that I couldn't stop to think about any greater cosmic significance.
But only recently - as I get back into my life again, as business picks up, as I start traveling to visit friends and take vacations again - has this quest for significance grown stronger.
Now, those of you who know me know I'm not much into the naval-gazing or psychobabble. While I enjoy self-actualization, goal setting and even my religious faith as much as the next guy, I have a bit more trouble dwelling on my situation when I saw so many people in rehab much, much worse off than I. People who couldn't fully speak, or walk, or get back to work. Those whose family or friends had abandoned them because they could not deal with the new person they had become. It was heartbreaking and humbling all at the same time.
So, after a dinner out and some glasses of wine shared with my husband...I ponder the duality of "Wow! It's been a whole year since it happened" against "Wow! It's only been a year and look at all we've been through!" Amazing how time and space can morph to be as long or as short as you want them to be.
So, my friends, here is a list of what indeed can happen to someone within 1 year, 365 days. And all I can say is, despite everything, I don't know that I would really change a single thing!
In 365 days, you can:
- Go from healthy to hospitalized to healthy again
- Live through a coiling procedure, an angioplasty, a shunt implementation - and 2 painful eye surgeries.
- Realize how much your spouse truly loves you and how seriously he took the "For better or worse, in sickness and health" part of the vows - especially when he has to see you with a shaved head, breathing tubes and a nasty streak when you lash out
- Learn to never take health for granted ever again
- Take pride in your strength at having stiches put in your head without anesthesia
- Appreciate a family who flies across the country to be with you - knowing many others don't have that kind of bond
- Realize how amazing your mother-in-law really is when she flies from Scotland to Seattle
- Witness firsthand (and be utterly overwhelmed by) the impact you've had on people you've worked with or been friends with over the years - and see just how much you really mean to them
- Learn true generosity of spirit when your friends fly from all over the U.S. to be with you - including some you haven't even seen in a few years - especially when you can't remember most of them being here in the first place
- Appreciate friends who love you so much, they are still there for you when you've temporarily forgotten who they are
- Get used to being pretty much blind for 6 weeks and then have (mostly) full eyesight restored
- Sweep away all the extraneous crap that occupies our lives most days - and realize what truly matters
- Receive the help of countless strangers who saved your life literally and figuratively and realize you may never see any of them again
- Learn to get your strength and stamina back after your body has been through hell
- Appreciate the lessons that your wonderful adopted dog can teach you
- Take time to celebrate small accomplishments, like being able to walk the dog on your own for 30 minutes with no physical therapist present
- See such an outpouring of love, support and well wishes that your heart almost bursts from trying to process it all
- Determine how you will make a difference in the time you have left on this Earth (actually, still working on this one!)
- Learn to not sweat the small stuff
- Learn more about brain injuries and recovery than you would ever possibly care to know
- Recognize your fragile limitations as a human and how wonderfully complex our brains really are in determining our talents and interests
- Accept patience into your life during a slow but steady recovery
- Learn to let go of who you were in exchange for who you have become
- Appreciate the value of slowing down and being in the moment
- Realize the value of going after your dreams, but balance that with not putting too much pressure on yourself to do everything NOW
- Complete an eBook and a book proposal all while recovering from brain injury
- See how wonderful human beings can be to each other - especially medical caregivers
- Recognize how desperately our health care system needs some kind of reform for people who are not as lucky as us
- Appreciate the thrill of driving again when it's been denied to you for 9 months!
- Hone in on the causes that are nearest and dearest to your heart and clear away the clutter
- Learn to let go of pride
- Learn to accept help with an open heart
- Accept your limitations while still loving yourself
- Learn to appreciate all that you have in your own life
- Learn how to give it all back in the end to others who are in need
- Get back up on that horse and live to fight another day, since there is so much to fight for!
My love goes to all of you out there, who sent a card, posted a note on my recovery website, made a phone call, sent an email, flew out here, contributed a gift. And here's some great links:
UW Medical Center - if you have to have brain surgery, you can't ask for more.
Info on brain injury recovery - many of the issues people have recovering from brain injury will shock you, even if the person "looks" okay, but those darn frontal lobes control a lot of behavior we think is automatic.
Lumosity - a great place to train your brain that helped me tremendously. These exercises also help keep your brain nimble against aging, even if you're healthy.
Caring Bridge - where my recovery website was posted: websites for those in medical distress
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