5 Things I Learn from my Dog

Yes, I've become THAT person: a dog owner. I live for little Eddie, who we adopted from the shelter on a rainy January day in 2008. We had wanted a dog for so long (another part of the rationale to move to Seattle and afford more room than SF) and wished for a dream dog of a Lab, but on the smaller side. And, lo and behold, that day at the shelter we were shown a shy, skittish Black lab mix, about a year old and only 35 lbs., fully grown. I think we conjured him into being.

Since I work from home, I walk him every morning after breakfast and before my shower. I love having this little luxury in my life. And now I can actually relate to women who struggle with going back to work and leaving their baby at home. Yes, I know - he's a dog. But he's our baby. Of course, we don't overspoil him, as we're huge disciples of The Dog Whisperer so we practice "exercise, discipline, then affection" in that all-important order. Eexcept for one guilty excess: we let him curl up on the couch (only on his blanket, naturally). He's just so damn cute, I can't resist.

My walks with him have taken on new meaning after my hospital stay last year. When I first got home from my hemmorraghed brain aneurysm episiode, I was weak, frail and had major vision issues. So for me, the goal was "to be able to walk Eddie again on my own." And I reached that goal. No "I want to visit the Pyramids" or "I have to see the world" near-death comeback goals for me. The whole ordeal actually made me want to get back to the simple pleasures of life and walking the dog by the lovely little canal near our house was one of them.

As I walk Eddie, I realize how much he has taught me on these little 30 minute soul-satisying getaways. Lessons I apparently needed to learn after my high-stress, high blood pressure, non-stop, overcommitted, active lifestyle put me in the hospital in the first place:

1) Live in the moment: Dogs are all about this. They can't remember one minute from the next. When I'm walking and a thousand to-do items are swirling through my head as I charge onward, Eddie will stop short and pull me back to the present to stop and sniff a flower or a shrub. Doesn't matter if we've passed it a million times; he finds something new in it. It's a good reminder to just be in the moment and enjoy the precious 30 minutes outside with him, look around, get out of my head, breathe, and RELAX.

2) There can be beauty in crap - just depends on your perspective: As we trot through the college campus right by my house, cherry blossoms blooming, the spring air thawing winter's chill, I'm assaulted with the smells of newly laid manure in the plantbeds and lawns. It's nasty. Eddie, however, acts like a tween girl at a Miley Cyrus concert. He leaps up and down, tries to romp through the grass (as far as his leash will go) and pretty much goes nuts. To him, it's like catnip (dognip?). So I realize one man's trash is another dog's treasure, so to speak. And it reminds me that from this foul stench, bright green grass, gorgeous tiulips, azaleas, and daffodils are blooming nicely for us to enjoy.

3) Forgive and forget: When we come home and Eddie does not come bounding down the stairs to greet us, we know he's been up to something. So we trudge upstairs to see what horror awaits. Usually it's that he's dug something from the recycling bag and torn it to shreds. He cowers before we've even said anything (which my husband recently said kind of made him respect the little guy). So we do the "Bad Dog!" routine and Time Out. And after 15 minutes, he's back licking our hands or sitting in front of us expectantly, tail wagging. All is forgotten. So we must forget as well. I've never been good at quickly overcoming things when someone hurts or disappoints me, but he makes me realize that you have to move on if you love each other.

4) Find joy in the simple things: Taking Eddie to the dog park and letting him run free, chasing the ball, greeting other dogs gives me more pleasure than I ever would have thought possible. I love that he can run around, off leash, and get his exercise. He's so joyful, it's unreal. Doesn't matter how many times we throw that ball: his ears perk up, his tail wags excessively, you hear the "pant, pant" of his tongue, and he eagerly awaits the ball throw. I can't remember the last time I felt as much joy about something so simple. And then I think: in this moment, my joy comes from watching his joy. Even when he is just laying on the coach, you can look at him. He'll stare back, not moving, and then just his tail will start going like crazy. All because you are just paying attention to him and he loves that. Or while on the coach, he flips over on his back, splaying his legs and all his parts to the world and just lays there, paws in mid-air. And he'll just look at you, upside down, with an expression of, "What?" on his face. This makes me laugh each and every time. Never gets old. Talk about a recession-proof pleasure.

5) Put someone else first: I've never really had to take care of anyone else in my life. I'm the youngest in my family. Yes, I babysat as a kid and have neices and nephews, but it's not the same. We don't know if we will have kids someday, so for us, Eddie is new territory. We have to plan now. That word was never really in our vocab before. We have to make sure he gets walked and fed, and we have to make arrangements when we go out of town (thanks Guy and Barb!). Sometimes, we'll be out in the evening, and we actually feel bad about leaving him alone so we try to get home quickly. With my health issues, we have been on one income and I have sacrificed some little pleasures for myself to make sure Eddie's still gets his high quality food, treats or a new toy. Where I used to spend that pointless money on myself, now I spend it on him - all because I see how much joy he gets from things (see #4). Maybe it's all in my head, but I don't care. It feels good to do something that makes your dog happy - even if he won't remember it in 5 minutes.

Having a dog is wonderful - and really helped in my recovery over these last few months. I don't so much mind becoming "that" person. So much so, that I've fawned recently over a SF photographer I am hoping to work with, Ann Hamilton. Check out her dog portraits on her blog. This gal is good and captures the spirit of these furry little ones perfectly

Encouraging Women and Making Our Daughters Strong

Man or woman, please sign the petition to get the new bill on creating a Commission for Women passed. The last commission on women was during JFK's term, but would be great to get it going again. I'm not necessarily a radical feminist, but the commission would cover areas such as education/training, domestic violence prevention, pay equality, and encouraging more women to participate in government and corporate leadership positions. This is good for ALL of us, not just women.

View the entire text of the bill here.

Nell Merlino, CEO of Count Me In and general rabble rouser and activist (she coordinated the first Take Our Daughters to Work Day) just wrote an inspiring book called "Stepping Out Of Line: Lessons for Women Who Want it Their Way In Life, In Love and At Work." She's a friend of a friend and I went to her Seattle book signing - just finished the book. It's fabulous. The one thing that stuck with me was that women today - right now - need to be an example to our daughters, nieces and students. We can't just hope "things are better for them" or live quiet, unhappy lives and hope they go on to live their passions. Girls do what we do, say what we say.

After reading her book, I saw this clearly in terms of my own niece, Angelina. She's 3, but I want her to know she can do anything. But to get that message across, I have to live that same life as an example - not just talk the talk. Many moms, aunts, and grandmothers out there really want their daughters to "have it all" but don't go after it themselves. That is a tragedy. Of the genders, females tend to mimic more than males (Merlino references a study in her book about how female babies can mimic adult faces 400 times more than male babies). So we women, here, today, now need to be that example for them.

And women who stay in abusive realtionships but want their daughters to escape that life need to get out of the relationship - they can't just TELL their daughter to not fall into the same trap. They need to live the example. I saw this time and again when volunteering at a domestic violence shelter. We need more education, training, and role models for girls to realize there are other options out there - and to show them what healthy, successful, loving relationships should look like.

Again, I have never been a radical feminist. I believe women should have a choice if they want to work or stay home. Motherhood is just as noble and valued as any other profession - if not more so. I grew up that way and had a fantastic childhood that I treasure. What I am saying is that women can't teach their daughters to go after their dreams if they themselves don't go after them. So ladies, make sure you are living your life deliberately and with purpose and passion to show our girls what is possible.

Let's get this women's commission bill passed!

"House" Shocker

OK. talk about good TV. Last night's House (FYI: Spoiler alert) focused on the sudden and unexplained suicide of Dr. Kutner, played by Kal Penn. Read info here and on my friend Kate's Buzz Suger report. And if you want to be even more creeped out, check out Fox's memorial page. I know live people who have died and not gotten this much recognition.

The whole experiment is interesting on so many levels:

1) Kal Penn is leaving the show to go work for Obama as Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Liaison.

2) The suicide happened in the first 5 minutes of the show and did not do any sort of melodramatic lead in or come up with some canned explanation - nice. Suicide in real life is never that simple. Also the fact that this was how they got rid of the character was an interesting choice and helped move the story and the development of House's character along.

3) The internet marketing component and buzz is so intriguing. See memorial page and links above, as well as, hey, yours truly is blogging about it! They are treating this like the death of a real person, a friend. The blogosphere is hopping with this story today.

Will be intriguing to see how things pan out. I used to hate this show, but once I started watching, I was hooked. I hate House's character but then that is kind of the point. You tune in to see if he will finally be redeemed or make a change - and he never does. But I will say that I enjoyed Kal Penn on the show so much and am really sad to see him go. He brought a certain levity to the cast that they will either need to make up for or replace. Time will tell.