A Few of my SF Faves for February

I recently submitted some "top picks" to an online publication - little hidden gems related to wine, beauty, and food in the Bay Area. While they were not able to use these, I thought my blog would welcome them with open arms. So here in no particular pattern, are some of my (and hopefully soon your) favorite things!

Subversive Dining

Ghetto Gourmet is getting quite the following in the bay area as the must-attend underground dining experience. Think “social experiment” meets “DaVinci code” – you sign up for dinner at an undisclosed location based on some insanely good five or seven course menu from a (usually) unknown local chef. The location is revealed a few days before the event, be it a rented hall or even some stranger’s house where you join 15-30 other complete strangers with the only thread being a love of adventure and creative cooking.

Green Wine

Feed your fine wine habit and save the environment at Yield Wine Bar. This hidden lounge for well-heeled but eco-friendly types in dogpatch serves wines from around the world that are grown organically, sustainably or biodynamically. I don’t know what that means but i’m sure al gore would approve. Sample their tasty nibbles too – made with seasonal ingredients from sustainable farms, naturally. It’s easy being green.

Jane's Addiction

Wax Habit's waxing mistress Carrie Maxwell ditched tony Spa Radiance to start her own vision of what "pain is beauty" should really be like: french music wafting through a small cozy room as you gossip and sip wine. Guys and gals welcome to sample her custom-blended waxes and oils. Relax, sit back, and get addicted to the least painful hair removal experience of your life.

I (heart) These Hearts

With the panic of Valentine’s Day gift buying fast approaching, what better way to shower your beloved than by giving your heart – but that might get a wee bit messy, so opt for a custom-made ceramic heart work of art by Sarah Becker. These 7” x 7” handmade pieces of love each take on a unique shape in a rainbow array of color options. Message scroll can be customized with just the right sentiment. U r so cute and so are these.


We be Jammin’

An unsuspecting batch of strawberries spawned a delicious little jams and jellies business from a mission neighborhood studio. After some good ole fashioned word of mouth marketing, CMB Sweets was born and will join the ferry building’s gourmet goodie roster come february. Creator Carolina Braunschweig slaps whimsical labels on crazy concoctions like apricot habanero jam and fig sesame spread. She also features sweets with the usual headliners as well as jam co-stars apricots, apples, kiwis, boysenberries and ollalieberries.

Sundance: My Eyes Have Not Yet Adjusted to the Light!

I have returned victorious from a fourth year of hunting good films at the Sundance Film Festival. As always, Park City was fun, relaxing, and damn cold. I just love the vibe of this little town that bursts at the seams for 10 days of movie mayhem. Main Street, with its quaint shops and restaurants, is just not that long so you are mixing and mingling with every film lover, wanna be actor/director/writer, and REAL actors/directors/writers.

It's so great to put some effort into your appearance, don some shades and a confident expression and have people stare at you when they walk by, thinking you might be someone famous. Oh, don't get me wrong, kids. I don't say this because I think I look like Jessica Biel or Robin Wright Penn. I say this because part of the fun of walking down the street at Sundance is that everyone is on the prowl to bump into a celebrity (unless you are a celebrity, I guess) so everyone looks at each other - really looks at each other - as they pass in the street. Given our dispassionate world today of neighbors simultaneously taking out the trash without so much as a nod and people who have a door held open for them out of courtesy who don't even bother to say "Thanks", I find this kind of conscious "seeing of others" a bit refreshing. Even if it's for a fluffy purpose.

Anyway, the films.

First and foremost, Grace is Gone was a hit. It was a Sundance darling and I don't say this just because my friend Becky was in it (opening scene - hurrah for not getting cut!) The audiences honored it with the Audience Award: Dramatic. And the judges graced it (ha ha) with the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award. It was a warm-hearted film about a man whose soldier wife dies in Iraq and he just can't bear to tell his two girls. So what does he do? He takes them on a road trip to Enchanted Gardens (a fictitious Disney). On the way, their relationship with each other deepens and grows. The actresses who played the daughters were amazing - especially the older one. No overacting child actress in this girl (you know who I'm talking about). I hear John Cusack, who plays the lead, will be put up by the Weinstein Company (who purchased the film) as an Oscar contender. It's about time they rewarded him (is Say Anything not on anyone's Top 15 film list?! "You must chill! You must chill!") Go John Go...

I have to say this was the first year where I enjoyed about every movie I saw for one reason or another. Refreshing.

Picks:

• Interview with Steve Buscemi and Sienna Miller. An almost psychological chess game between a celebrity and a political reporter forced to take on the interview when he'd rather be in Washington covering "important stuff." Quite dark and erratic, but in a good way. And I have to admit, I have heard of Sienna Miller for a long time, but I never actually saw her act in anything (see why celebrity gossip sucks? No one knows you for your "actual" talent.) Anyway, she blew me away, she was so good.
• Black Snake Moan with Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci and (in a very nice turn) Justin Timberlake. Loved, loved, loved. I could feel the sweaty Dixie vibe just oozing off the screen and the audience enjoyed a wild ride of imagery, cool camera angles, intense acting, and a moody soundtrack. This was done by the same guy who did Hustle and Flow (also loved). It is quite controversial and could be offensive in a mysoginistic kind of way, but I just loved the fearlessness of it. I saw this at 11:30 pm, and believe me, it takes a lot for me to be pumped for a movie that late.
• Joshua with Sam Rockwell and Vera Farmiga. Modern day Damien without the religious undertones or scary darkness. This is present-day New York and the bad seed in this film is a piano prodigy. Sam Rockwell added just the right touch of humor and realism to this story. Very edge of your seat.
• Never Forever with Vera Farmiga (I know I've seen her before but had no idea she was a Sundance darling). Heavy, slow-paced drama about a white woman married to a Korean man. He can't get her pregnant and wants to kill himself over it, so she makes a deal with a Korean stranger to get her pregnant so she can pass off the child as her husband's. Hard not to predict what happens here, but Vera's intense, real, fragile performance was worth the price of admission. I absolutely loved the nebulous and symbolic last scene.
• Manda Bala: a documentary about political corruption and street violence that is ultimately linked together in Sao Paolo. This was a very disturbing look at the criminal activities of those in power, as well as how those actions impact the country's poor populations who end up moving to Sao Paolo. Destitute and desperate, these folks then resort to violence and all-too-frequent kidnappings to make money in the slums. Very well done storytelling and editing, but I will not be paying a visit to Sao Paolo anytime soon. I'll stick to purse-snatching gypsies in Rome.

I also saw Broken English with Parker Posey (who I adore) and Adrift in Manhattan with Heather Graham. Both had their moments. Broken started out as a cliche chick-flick about a "woman who dates losers" but actually turns out to be a more enriching story of self-discovery. And Adrift had some amazing interwoven stories of hope and loss. Special shout-out to Dominic Chianese (Junior of The Sopranos) who plays an artist losing his sight. The scene where he needs to ask the young man for help in a subway station actually made me cry. I was touched by the stories in Adrift and left wanting to know more about how everything gets resolved - it seemed to frantically wrap up in the last minute of the film, leaving the audience a little like, "Huh? It's over?

Another non-film highlight was a panel discussion about translating NPR's This American Life from radio storytelling to TV's visual medium. Very interesting and entertaining discussion about how stories need to be told differently visually vs. orally and all the approaches they tried to capture the show's essence. The panel featured the host (can't remember if it's Ivan or Ian Gross) and his producer and director of photography. These guys get along great and it shows. They interspersed their hilarious anecdotes with footage from the show that will premiere in March on Showtime. I will definitely be tuning in to these folksy takes of unique Americans.

And finally, I got to see Shorts V and one of the Animation Spotlights. It was really fun to see innovative short films and also see such a variety of animation. This is the kind of stuff you may not see anywhere else - except the Sundance site.

As it is every year, Sundance was a blast. A little film, a little skiing, a lot of wine drinking and friends I don't often get to see. I even got to attend the Fox Home Video/Netflix party for the launch of the Little Miss Sunshine DVD and left with a DVD, T-shirt, and custom cookie of the LMS VW van from the film. Who could ask for more when staying in Utah?

Goals, Resolutions, Blah, Blah, Blah

I kid, of course. Anyone who knows me well knows I am a planner. I make lists, I schedule in advance, I like to know what is happening. So every year, I put together a quick list of yearly goals - and 2007 is no exception. Given this post about January New Year's Resolutions comes midway through the month, however, does not bode well for my ability to stay on top of things this year. Sigh...

This year, I decided to join forces with my dear friend (and extraordinary writer) Carrie. I'd give a link to her blog, but one of her resolutions for 2007 is to actually start one. I can't find the words to express how talented this woman is. She's a prolific writer, savvy advertising executive, and creative as all get out. One of the things we have in common is a swirl of creative ideas, projects, and desires that consumes us on a daily basis - and that often becomes an enemy when it surrounds you to the point of paralysis. Too many ideas, so you do nothing. Typical story.

Anyhoo, this year I thought we could help each other. You know, save the money on a coach or a therapist and hold each other accountable to getting some things "done" this year. So I shared with her my template for yearly goals: I basically segment out the things I know I want to accomplish by topic (writing, travel, finances, fitness) and give myself ACTIONABLE items to tick off the list as the year goes by. Given my crazy schedule, constant projects, and insane desire to squeeze everything out of life that I can, this tool has served me well to realize that I can't do it all, so I should focus on a few highlights.

As the aforementioned planner, I am usually totally down with this goal-setting exercise. I don't even care if I don't achieve all my goals that year; the list keeps me honest and when I do check something off, I feel accomplished. But this year I was sort of dragging my heels about my list. I had some definite ideas and goals, but could not figure out what was keeping me from committing to them. So, as I do often, I hemmed and hawed about the topic via email to my Carrie. Carrie is like a living diary, a book I can pour all my thoughts into and who actually responds with insights and questions. It's fabulous and I highly recommend getting your own.

It came down to this: This is a transition year for me. I have quite a few goals that I could just move forward and tackle, but there are also some decisions (not up to me) which affect them. I am investing energy in some things that I have to let come to fruition before my time is truly my own. I really want to enroll in the A.C.T. Summer Conservatory for example, but right now I am invested in the short term to something that, if I just give it one more year, could basically set me up for more long-term freedom to do what I want to do next year. I was beating myself up that I was using these "factors not under my control" as an excuse, but really, I'm just making an investment for the short-term. And I am okay with that. Sometimes, you have to wait it out to get to what you really want. And as long as you're waiting as part of your master plan and not due to fear, insecurity or a flock of other negative obstacles, you just need to hold onto your vision and enjoy the ride.

And what is my ride? Maintaining my blog, writing more articles for SF Downtown (and hopefully some new pubs, too), saving up for a house down payment, getting my exercise routine back on track, traveling, taking a Shakespeare class, doing some more plays, and generally eating, drinking, and enjoying family and friends. Don't kid yourself: Miss "I'll die if I get anything less than an A" has to be graded and measured. So my Goals list still has some concrete action items on it. But they are a lot more fluid and realistic for where I need to be this year, in order to be where I want to be next year, and the year after that, and the year after that.

And that, my friends, is what resolutions should really be all about. The story doesn't end on December 31, 2007 - it's a marathon, not a sprint, as they say and it's the total journey that counts.

Putting Something Good Out into the World

I just completed my first of two recent theatre productions (Coming up next in December: www.lveproductions.com). In a night of John Patrick Shanley plays, I got the juicy role of Billie in "Women of Manhattan." Playing a funny, sassy, madcap NY gal to a sold out crowd our last weekend was an incredible experience. Our production took place under a tent behind a hair salon in the Castro, strung with white twinkle lights and a home-built stage platform - and blankets for the audience in case they got too chilly in the SF night air. We felt like a traveling acting troupe circa Shakespeare's day; like a group of carnies constantly setting up and tearing down as they entertained from town to town.

The exhiliration I felt - that I feel - when on stage is almost indescribable. I felt almost high, like my soul was open and was expressing itself through someone else's words. The magic of evoking emotion night after night - laughter, surprise, poignancy - is unlike anything else I know. I feel as though I put myself, my voice, my passion out into the tapestry of time and space and contribute something, however small, to the world to show I was here. That I become a part of some ancient chorus and can leave my mark by affecting a group of people who are all tied together in this great big world for a 2 hour period of time. In that moment, you are all one, living one shared experience. And the actors on stage are holding the reigns. And when we get it right, you all laugh when we hope you will laugh, you cry when we hope you will cry, and you react when we hope you will be touched. That is pretty heady stuff and in those moments, I feel a truth and beauty in existence unlike anything I've ever known.

Not to get too artsy or esoteric on you (I do work in corporate America, after all), but acting makes me feel alive. Actually, the whole experience of being involved in theatre makes me feel alive. It's like a microcosm of existence. A group of strangers come together. They are unsure, unsteady, need to rely on scripts, directors, stage managers...like a baby clings to its parents. Most of what is created in those first rehearsals, both from the actors and the production staff, is an unholy mess - faltered lines, people getting placed in positions and then getting moved around, production staff waiting around until decisions are made, half-constructed sets, partial props (oftentimes whatever is at hand substitutes for the real thing.) And then somehow, the group meshes, the stage is brought to life, the props materialize, the cues are hit, and the production becomes a freestanding adult. And like any adult, it must share who it is with the world, with the audience.

The ironic thing is after this total "bliss of being", as it were, on closing night and my renewed faith in humanity and my place in the world, the next day I happened to watch "The Crucible" on TV. Remember, the story of the Salem witch trials back in the day? And as I watched neighbors and friends laugh, anticipate and cheer for the deaths of innocents like it was sport, I was so incredibly sad. I actually cried. In 24 hours, I'd been faced with the best of being human and the interconnections we can share and how lovely that is, and then smacked with the ugliness, hate, and disgusting nature of human beings. And it made me feel so hopeless. That we as human beings are capable of such love and joy and then capable of such unspeakable evil. It just didn't make sense and it didn't seem fair.

So what's my point? Nothing. That's the whole point, really. It is what it is and as we struggle between good and evil we just need to try to live this life as passionately and lovingly as we can. We have to create more moments of connection in the world than moments of disconnection. And if we do, there will always be hope. For me, I need to always strive to fit into this short life all the "good stuff" I can, before I inevitably run out of time. There's nothing dreamy, crazy, or philosphical about that: live like you're gonna die tomorrow and the rest will all fall into place. Don't wait to try something "next year", or "when things calm down" - the truth is they never will. So go out there and make your voice heard in the world, touch people however you can and LIVE.

People keep asking me in amazement how I manage to work a full-time job and do all the theatre and writing and whatever else I'm into, in addition to still spending time with my husband and friends. It's easy: I just DO it. I plan, I fit things in and I give up other things that are less important. I say no to some things so I can say yes to others. I can't imagine not making time to do something that makes my heart sing, that makes me feel like I'm putting something back into the world.

So for now, this is my crazy busy, crazy fun life. I'm tired, I'm frantic, but in a great line from the other Shanley play that was done, The Big Funk (and I'm paraphrasing here): "You're supposed to be weary. That's what death is for. For rest."

Tasty Theatre Morsels

After my whirlwind of summer travels (can everyone PLEASE space their weddings out a bit? Oh, wait, three of those receptions were ours....never mind....) I am finally back in the swing of life here in SF. And that means - THEATRE! I have been blessed to get not one, but two juicy roles and will be knee-deep in rehearsals and performances from now until Christmas.

First up, John Patrick Shanley's "Women of Manhattan" produced by Atmos Theatre. Performances are 8 pm Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, October 28 through November 18. I am psyched to play Billie, a newlywed (big stretch), in this dramatic comedy about women and their relationships. Atmos Theatre was formely known as Theatre in the Woods, performing on the Peninsula, but this is their first production in SF and I'm proud to be a part. Performances are at Every 6 Weeks in the Castro - yes, a hair salon (and by the way, is that not the best name for a hair salon?) Check it at www.atmostheatre.com.

Second, La Vache Enragee's 2nd Annual Shorts Project, "Trimming the Holidays". Four short plays - Four short films - One great night! It runs from December 1 through 23, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights at the Shelton Theatre. For those A.D.D. folks in the room, this is just the ticket - full of comedic and dramatic works. I even get to be directed by my friend and actress extraordinaire Sarah Mitchell. More info at www.lveproductions.com.

There are tons of independent theatre productions - funny, provocative, inspiring, bizarre - lurking in all sorts of corners of San Francisco. Venues range from the aforementioned hair salon to church basements to artists' spaces to standard theatres that fit sometimes 25, sometimes 250. Check out www.theatrebayarea.org for a start, or simply browse the Arts sections of neighborhood and city-wide newspapers. I had no idea this scene even existed until one of my best friends, Rebecca Friese (www.rebeccafriese.com) embarked on her acting career here in 2000.

As an added bonus, many independent Bay Area theatre companies, like Renegade Theatre Experiment (www.renegadetheatre.com), Elastic Future (http://homepage.mac.com/mblinder/ef/elastic.htm), Boxcar Theatre (www.boxcartheatre.org), and Expression Theatre Ensemble (www.expressiontheatre.net), can give you a rockin' good theatre experience with heart and soul - and affordable ticket prices. Imagine that.

It's like another subculture - and it's nice to mix in the Actors Equity professionals a la A.C.T or Magic Theatre with independent types who just love theatre but can't quit their day jobs....yet. You'll be enchanted by some of the talent here in the Bay Area that have not yet gone "professional." And one day, you might be able to say, "I knew them when..."

I Want Roots…but not too deep….

I met and fell in love with my now husband through one of the best dating services around: a high-tech software company. Now, while I am not usually a proponent of fishing in the company pool – there are issues such as professionalism, self-respect, and reputation at play here – we innocently became friends more outside of work and traveled in the same circles socially. He’s sweet, sarcastic, and Scottish. And after a budding friendship, I became smitten.

Before we met, I was a free-spirited Marina gal. I lived in the homogenous boutique-laden Marina District, happily flitting from bar to bar, taking walks along the Bay towards the Golden Gate, and unwittingly becoming more and more attached to a “neighborhood.” I had moved around so much that this was a new emotion for me. I had “my” coffee shop, “my” gym, “my” bar….and “my” dry cleaner.

When my love and I got engaged, I was over the moon. And, embarking on our life together, we decided to move to a new neighborhood in the city which was a better commute for us. It was a big step. I LOVED my neighborhood. But I hated that I was so attached. Don’t be silly, I thought: You're just getting lazy and don’t want to get to know a new area. You really need to branch out. Explore, experience. Don’t be afraid.

So we moved to a charming neighborhood on the other side of town called Noe Valley, aka, “Where Marina Girls Go to Breed.” Seriously, this was a much more family-oriented area but with many shops, restaurants, and boutiques to cater to those like me who were not quite ready to move to the Burbs. It’s an adorable locale where one can get much for their money space-wise and our apartment was beautiful – high ceilings, painted walls, back deck, the whole nine yards.

So I took a deep breath and steeled myself to get to know my new hood. And, joy of joys, there was a dry cleaner right across the street from our new place! Hopeful to wrap myself in another blanket of warmth and familiarity, I marched over with our first batch of clothes. I was met with a formal nod and a sternly efficient check-in process. The short little Asian couple processed me like a breadline. Where was my chit chat? And I almost cried as I had to spell my name for the first time in 6 years. I tried to smile and engage but I got nothing. I felt like the girl who tries too hard to flirt with that guy in the bar who just reacts with a blank stare. “Do you mind? You’re blocking my view of that tasty blonde?”

Dejected, I came home and promptly told my husband sadly, “I don’t like that dry cleaner.” He laughed and asked, “Do you have to have a personal relationship with your dry cleaner?” My glare shredded his clothing and caused him to back out of the room slowly. I love his sarcasm, truly, but sometimes he lacks timing.

But after a while, I considered his statement carefully. Why DID I need to feel close to the dry cleaner? I was a strong, healthy woman with a successful career, caring family, and wonderful friends: why was I seeking validation from the people who launder my pants?

Realization came eventually. It wasn’t that I had nothing else in my life. I just missed the familiarity of “home.” I hadn’t had that since I was a kid and I liked connecting with my neighbors. During a particularly tumultuous time in my life consisting of a broken engagement, three high-tech start-up layoffs, and an extremely unhealthy relationship, one constant remained: my Marina hood. The world swirled around me in unrest and uncertainty, but Patrick and his mother still did my dry cleaning. I came to appreciate the familiarity of routine, the warmth of chit chatting with a local business owner, the trust that allows you to pay by check while you are overshadowed by an ominous “No Checks Accepted” sign at the register. In short, I missed home.

The post-script to all of this drama is I actually have bonded with my dry cleaners and they now greet me like Norm on Cheers. Oh, and their son just got married last month at St. Monica’s Church. They were so excited. The family was all flying in, there was TONS to do, etc., etc. And you know what? Maybe it never mattered. I have to admit I still don’t feel like this ‘hood is “home” yet but it’s getting there. My actual apartment, my life with my husband – all of that makes it safe and warm. And that is all the home I really need right now. That, and the trips back to the Marina to get my nails done at Bella and Final Touch. Some dependencies are too hard to break.

Why I'm in love with "Big Love"

OK, I admit it. At first, I thought, "Ewwww! Who would want to watch a show about a guy with 3 wives, using them as sex slaves while he actually gets to go out and contribute to society?" And Bill Paxton talking not one, not two, but THREE women into marrying him? Please....

But I was surprised by HBO's "Big Love" in a big way. And I'm totally hooked on a show that redefines family and is filled with more juicy neighborhood secrets and gossip than "Desperate Housewives".

The only things I knew about Mormons were that they mostly live in Utah, they are big on geneology (the LDS Church's extensive work with tracing family histories has in fact led to Utah having one of the largest wired and internet user populations than any state in the US) and that they believe in polygamy - or at least some of them do. This is only the tip of the iceberg, kids.

From "Big Love" I got hip to the fact that there are various factions of the Mormon religion. Some die hard fundamentalists who still believe in "plural marriage" or the Principle as it's called, and live in compounds; More modern Mormons that embrace the fundamental religious teachings yet function in everyday Western society, complete with only one committed marriage; And some folks caught in the middle: trying to live in the mainstream American society, yet still believing that polygamy is a divine gift and have created a plural marriage of respect and - I know this sounds crazy - sisterly love among the wives.

I am so intrigued by this whole thing from a sociological standpoint, I bought Jon Krakauer's "Under the Banner of Heaven" which explored the Mormon and Mormon fundamentalist movements. I can definitely see where some of the "Big Love" writers got their source content in the real-life characters and names of modern Mormonism. The book is riveting if you get a chance to pick it up but is also not very well-received (according to the author) by the Mormon community.

Anyway, this blog entry is not a historical critique on Mormonism. I just love this show. The interplay of the characters is amazing. First of all, it's definitely not all fun and games. Real marriage, with all it's bickering, sacrifices, and time committments, is only magnified by the plural marriage thing. I mean, it's hard enough having one relationship to deal with, including personal preferences, mood swings, schedules, in-laws and what not - imagine having to deal with three?! That's just downright exhausting.

But the love and affection they all have for each other, their kids, their home - and especially the love/hate bond between the wives - is amazing. In fact, it is quite selfless. Too selfless for my own personal taste, as there is a lot more the women give up than their husband. But the fact that the kids have 3 mother figures they can turn to is quite touching.

Now, the show does not sugar coat the whole idea and does indeed show the dark side of all this, especially with the families still living fundamentalist values on the compound. There's a lot of backstabbing, plotting, and treachery going on with these characters. But overall, "Big Love" just makes me stop and think - especially when I had such strong opinions before and then find myself cheering for the Hendrixson's (the Paxton clan). It's quite disconcerting - and fascinating at the same time.

Welcome to Red Slice!

Direct from my imagination, observation, fascination, and - in many cases - frustration, I am proud to launch Red Slice. Red Slice is a delicious buffet of San Francisco (and life) musings from a 30-something, newly married (or as I like to say, "recently un-singled") urbanite. I've been in the Bay Area almost seven years, surviving the dot.com debauchery and bust as well as the Marina singles scene. Over the past few years, I've joyfully pursued my writing and acting passions, having published articles on everything from fine dining to wineries, and acted in various community theatre productions. By day, I am a Director of Corporate Marketing for a Silicon Valley software firm. By nights and weekends, I try to feed my creative beast with writing, theatre, eating, and shopping.

This redhead has finally taken the plunge and carved out her own little "slice of the cyberspace pie" so I hope you will share my adventures as I plunge into this whole blog thing. I'll dish on the best restaurants and bars in town, promote innovative community theatre and other art, share my independent article writing, and generally just wax poetic (which is a fancy way of saying "rant and rave") about anything - traffic on 101, film, the dating scene, art, Sundance 2007, family life. While the sassy 30-something city gal point of view may have been done to death, we all have a unique viewpoint in the world and I'm just looking to add my voice to the chorus. I hope you will, too.

Enjoy!